thoughts from the appalachian trail (may 2024)

1st may, 2024, wednesday.

i'm like a buffalo,
every part of me gotta get used.

29th april, monday.

dark are the days that lie awake.
night are the days that you forsake.
light are the ways that feel your wake.

29th april, again, a monday.

i took one, but two disappeared.
i realized as i drew nearer,
i took the one against the mirror.

6th mar, 1am, wednesday (2024)

y'all make me want to cry.
i've seen the way you misquote the dead,
made me never want to die.


27th fev, tuesday (2024)

look at me, dear.
do your best, dear,
at all costs...
resist the urge to rot.


15th fev, a thursday (2024)

god sends me the bill,
then god pays it.
every plan i have,
god spays it.


date unknown, but it may have been a tuesday (2014-2024)

wretched beasts,
i am the sun!
the sun!
the sun!

13th fev, a tuesday

god bless you, people that are trying,
i cant be one of you no more.
i've tried, applied, and been denied,
but god bless you that you rise.
you that succumb to hope...
as for myself, i won't
succumb, become, or come at all.

26th jan '24

this flesh keeps spreading,
and thats not what flesh is for,
the only thing that fits me,
is the floor.


25th jan '24

something ripped in me,
and kept ripping,
i felt fear in me,
and kept gripping,
i kept running home,
and kept tripping,
i was groping the truth,
truth kept dripping.
i keep trying to lie still,
but keep flipping.



xx/yy 2023

the clean, the written,
like us the smitten;

the cold, the blind,
lead us, the kind.

have a toothache,
have a headache,
i wont mind.

>>
ideas came like a gust of wind,
and my entire mind became a hallway.

feb 8th 2024

little belly,
full of jelly.
night comes to collect you
but the bronx protects you.
out of history,
all in mystery,
hidden, liminal,
little criminal.
new and old appraise you,
all around amaze you.
little darling round and warm,
untouched by big little storm.
little medicine pouch
could make edison slouch
could make grandfather dance
could make elephant pants
sees with eyes closed
smells with wise nose
little nonsense, little laugh
little do a little math
little coming
to the tree
blessing little
you and me.


feb 6th 2024

i made a round...
didnt like what i found,
saw nothing i liked,
disliked nothing, too,
nothing here, nothing new,
not a single new sound.
nothing ever really happens does it?
i keep making rounds.


31st jan '24

the people i've let near me,
people i cant stand,
it gives me chills to think...
of who has held my hand.


>>
what a shame, i am so small!
my handwriting is wrong,
my days don't last all night,
i cant fly...
i dont even know if i'm showering right.
and i cant fly.

30th jan '24

how do i explain
to working men?
to men that have made lives,
and driven cars,
and graduated children,
men,
that i am not...
how do we call it?
men.
how do I explain... that my dog and i don't drive,
what do u call them, again?
men.

23rd dec '23

keep a clear mind.
achieve maximum sensitivity,
exhibit maximum control.
develop patience for filth,
and faith in the filthy.
become undeniably utile,
pay attention,
let go of the littleness of life,
and do not despair.


>>
now that we're not that good,
not all that young,
not hardworking,
not particularly kind or easy to talk to,
not very honest,
nor a person of principle,
not a very reliable or loyal person,
not rather patient,
not very present or good looking, or calm,
not exactly a model citizen,
or a good daughter
or a friendly neighbor,
or a hero,
...i guess its time to write.


>>
im flat, im ruined, im gone
im here, im babylon,
im fully bored,
dont scratch,
dont telephone,
go to no doctors,
write,
i wouldnt eat if i were you,
but i know you will,
its alright.
leave the dishes for the girl,
and write.

>>
as always, write.
i know you spent 33 beautiful years
trying to find some way to be a carpenter or a plumber
or some other kind of useful man,
but now that its so clear,
that purpose isnt coming,
write.
stop abusing men,
dont even look at them,
stop altogether,
write.


27th jan '24

we should have never given peasants the written word,
we barely like it when they speak.


march 2024

"...not as interesting as susan..." ?!?! i say she's not half as cool as me! what can your susan do... that i cant do ... multiplied by three. >>
im mad about the work i pursue,
mad at what a bad job i do,
i asked for guidance,
and i heard silence.
god's bad at his, too.


12th jan '24

where a man should have been,
stood an idea in a hat.
i asked it what its doing here,
but hats dont answer that.


>>
of all the things that matter,
and all the things that don't,
i saw time splatter,
when i realized you won't.


27th dec '23

ever late night wander,
out there on your own?

28th dec '23

how could i get the flu?
i meditate every day.

15th oct, '23

sometimes i feel like im a little spider
and other people are a huge rocky cliff,
and i just climb all over them in the sun.
but i want to be a rocky cliff, too,
i want to be crawled on in the sun.


31st oct, '23

a prayer from 10,000 years ago:
"lord hear the prayer of this neanderthalis,
rid me of desire,
my brain has become large."

16th fev, a friday

if you're prone to nightmares...
you and i may get along!


14th fev, a wednesday

if you value being kind, and round, and warm...
you will surely value me!
you'll say, "my god!
heres comes a million bucks."

>>
look at me,
you won't be let down,
you'll find you have found...
something warm, kind, and round.

>>
the tide rises and falls,
and the albatross calls,
and the sailors pile in,
and they order their gin.
i keep wondering how
in ten years, or now,
could i ever be
as free on the ground...
as they are at sea?


18th mar, whenever that was, 2024

i looked at you in disbelief,
when you told me youre one of me,
...but everything you say is perfect,
every movement is respect
to everything calm, and everything correct,
i'll watch you do forever,
do and do again,
no way youre from
where i am from,
you must be one of them.

december '23

i reach for you but youre like air.
i breathe for you, but youre too everywhere.
i try to see you but you are my eyes,
i pray for peace from you,
but youre surprise.
i ask for love from you when i despair,
but why ask for love, when love is always there?

i hide from you but youre my hiding spot.
i tried so hard to remember...
and there you were when i forgot.

youre blocked by me in the reflection,
youre silence when i need attention,
youre noise when i seek out your peace,
youre calm when i require heat,
im scotland when youre london time,
youre late when its beginning time,
youre all of you when im all mine.
i look for you in your house but youre the walls,
im signing papers and youre laughing in the halls.
i look for you in your name,
but youre between the sounds,
i look for you in your eyes but youre the thing that looks,
i try to track you in your thoughts but thats not you,
thats things you read in books,
i listen for you in your words,
but youre the deed,
i look for you in satisfaction,
but you are the need.
i grab you by your flesh, but youre inside,
i look for you at work, but youve retired.

i'm always just one step behind,
and thats when you remind,
"my lack is only in your mind."

maybe im wrong,
but maybe youre gone,
maybe looking for you is just where i belong.



oct 2023

Vultures like flies,
Like the clock always lies,
Like the 1 trains sing,
Like the bagels we bring,

Like a pancake my mind
flips like a fish, the day dips
like a lemon into water
like nothing at all

if it all incinerates and burns,
If the clock the tide turns,

Maybe its brooklyn, maybe its me.
I was on my way, but the lives of others
lay their path through me.

Be a russian, be a good jew,
be a financier, a loan shark,
if theres one thing i've noticed:
no one will mind
Be ancient, be graceful,
be a mammal afterall
instead of falling for andrew,
i should've walked into a wall.


Lorem ips